Not a Weak...Week

Took some time away. I will approach this topic in an email as well. It is something I believe a lot of believers struggle with in some regard or another. We spoke about how we made idols of each other and that was apart of our decrease in the relationship. I swear...we can either get it so right next time or the process in picking my wife just got 100x more difficult!! Lol!! I still want that to be YOU...but I guess replying to my text should be my first accomplishment!! HA!!

Well it's like this...I'm sometimes bewildered by how you just want to ignore and forget me by having zero contact. I know that's a coping mechanism for you, we've talk about it. At those times do you hear how you sound when you have spoken to me? Look I'm sure you are all smiles and laughs and Ms. Social Life parties, dating, whatever. I speak to you and you have to remind me of something that has been a life tenement "not needing anyone ". Even yesterday with the chips and the donation you seemed put off and again upset. You know the you that parades around for everyone else...where is she for me. Umm...we talked about being on the other side of these walls now. You were on board for so much...so much..you felt promise and saw the value in us. Your text about our potential as a couple still tugs at my heart. 

Matthew 6:26-27 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

A Little Humility Goes Far...Like +200 Miles!!

After the event we rolled into Warrior Ride HQ and under this:

I wanted to pose under it with 'your' bike in the air but it's not about me. I thank God for it all but it's not. Thought about that for the next day and kinda wish I did for the photo opp but it's not the last time I do it so I was cool. Well in checking the new feeds on the event I found this:

The bike got the recognition it deserves all on its own!! Better shot than being posed...you know I like the real and candid photos better!! Gasp...and what is that on my wrist...looks like a little something from you Elise!! I still thank God for you and what you've meant to my life Elise!!

 

Breaking Camp...Breaking Heart

The Like a training exercise...forgot some items and pack too much of others mainly water. That extra 64oz was not welcome on the hike in especially with not knowing exactly where I was setting up. Peaceful trip needed rest and best place to just sink into solitude, open up, just let some stuff out and take some in.

As I was packing up I thought of doing it with you and meeting for kisses at various points of breaking down...those missed moments are breaking me down a bit. We were great when we were!!

Area Has Potential...

It seems like there is a lot do to from right here...kinda free USWWC. There is a dirt road, hiking trail, mountain bikers are here, can trail run, and not to far from Lake Baldin for kayaking which I need more equipment before I take it out. Could easily spend the weekend doing a combo of things. Was crowded at all... When you get over or get to a point of actually communicating we can check it out. I know you don't want or need anything...great neither do I just want to hang out. You used to say that about me all the time yet I was with you for 7 years because enjoy Elise and our lives together. Let me know...

The Food Bag...AAGGHHH

I gotta go hang this food bag! This bag and ground don't feel great but I'm not pedaling!! Plus I forgot my sleeping bag so I had to use my towel as a blanket while on the cot...cold the first night!!

HA!! That was loads of fun!! Think I pick a limb to high and I'm sure the naan I pack is all but cruton now!! I'm done for the day.

Good Night E...

Hammocks...

I bought a camping hammock went with the Double Nest...just in case we wind up hanging out again. Once in the center of this thing it can cocoon real easy because all the extra fabric. If you stop swinging its a bit tedious to get you leg out to start again. Did you use your REI coupon? What did you get? 

Backpacking Laps?

Yeah not all that simple finding a spot that's suitable mainly for a campfire...and it's getting dark. 

I remember dancing with you at your reunion. I remember dancing with you in Samford. I'm watching these stars dance across this night sky...

Snore-round Sound!!

So I had to sleep by this Army officer that was a major snored!! The first night he was across the warehouse with other snorers...it was like walking past Smuag!! So second night I was his cot neighbor!! This is actually later in the morning...I had to sit in the hallway at the start:

Dang think I deleted the video!! I felt like Daniel in the lions den!!

Lunch Time...Well Almost

Packed:

Lentils soup

Naan

Forgot:

Spork 

Wipes

Not the best for s high fiber meal and all the water I've had too.

On a brighter note I think I heard a hawk pick up its "to go meal"!! Nature...

Holy Sh!t..

Well we are to believe that the morning I was rubbing your arm and your back(I miss washing your back...watching the soap) and Alexis had to poop and that has never happened before must be from God. So what about when you had to poop at my place?!?! Gabz and Jamiyah were glad to see you. I told Jamiyah about you being a fast runner and your 13.1 times...she is running Cross Country at her school. She asked about a beach trip again but Gabz told her about us. Although there was the obvious indication because you showed up at my place to poop!! Heaven Sent...not heavenly scent!! Lol!! Sorry just always found that had some humor to it...

Later E...

Sign Language!!

Ok so the Pilot Mtn hike was canned do to drive time...and don't know if I would have enjoyed that extra haul. Well as I drove in to the Uwharrire check out the "signs":

But wait even on the drive out:

This one had a great passage...but leave it to me to pick the wrong side, that's what I do right LOL:

I Only Look Cool....

Apparently the Triangle Area has zero trailheads...odd. So Zac at REI offered Pilot Mountain State Park or Uwharrire...ever heard of Pilot Mtn, know your family done a lot parks. Well the drive time is too long and he was not sure if I could hike in with the gate closed. Soooo of to The Uwharrire!!

I hiked in for .27 miles then turned around because I left a window down and needed to park in the fenced area. Plus I needed to get my ear buds to listen o music incase the sounds of nature get to annoying... Just what my legs needed was another .5 of hiking. Honestly they aren't that sore, that knot in my right hammy didn't bother me at all but the left was getting fatigued on the road. I think that 20mph for 20 miles was the killer as far as soreness. Was good though really stoked about the bike for you its on point!

Later E...

Putting it to Use...

So I don't know what all the other guys are bringing to front...but I still got some enginuity over here💡!!

It's just Heed today but could easily be some wine with a shared snack, conversation, your laugh, my touch, that adorable nose...as we swing in the breeze!! 704-449-aargh you know the rest. Lol!!

(Tired...sorry.)

Ignore the Dates...

Post I did while in the mountains are crashing I guess because I had no service when I first tried to submit them. Even as I'm sending this I'm still not sure if your getting them if the Private Setting worked... Again just to keep you informed. You may think why bother...if you should ever what to call or text me I don't want your Elise's Psychology to stop you. What's that?...you asked if I met my neighbors and assumed I moved on because you saw a female runner look at th house. Our phones were having comm issues and you thought I forgot about you and moved on. A part of human nature is when you don't know you assume the worst...I really care about you so I want you to know. You acting like I never happened in your life...but I still want you as a part of what happens in my life.

Later E...

Back Again...

So spacy actually drove part way down Cedar River. Watermelon, needed shower soon, unpacking...seriously miss having those coming back to those lips!!...the way you'd place your hand right there on me...and press in a little more and exhale...

Part 2 Done...

Made it back to Raleigh safe...unloading bus and back to the 4Runner. Lol!!...gotta scoot to the mountains now!! Grace of God and all the protein I packed is why I'm not sore...achy right achillies is all.

Older volunteer walks up to me and says "Death or heartbreak...those are the only times I've seen that look on a face." I said both Sir, he said welcome aboard and you will see. This was Day 1...today he said you pedaled it out of you right?...

Peaceful ferry ride after 20 for 20 Group A ride... Hope you got out in nature this weekend too...great weather. Later E...

!Day Tres!

Last leg what a journey! I thank Super Ken, Dust'em, you, and GOD!! Catch up to you later E...

Oh the Temptations of Life....

I'm sure your spending this weekend with some of the friends you're meeting. Don't know the sleeping arrangements were ever you are laying your head tonight. I'm by chicks and hogs...

I am next to all the pulled chicken and pork BBQ!! Sweet dream, spicy dreams, tangy dreams, dry run dreams!! LOL!!

Later E....

Day 2 complete BBQ dinner 84mi, good pace for 80% @ 16-17mph 3300+ calories burned NOT FLAT...Lol!! In another armory tonight small group way smaller quarters. Just ask Mike what's the deal with the Army being afraid of hot water...wasn't that bad but after today cold have used one. The Major kinda gave me my own group today. Victor is the older guy from Purteo Rico that has been coaching me on distance riding. I did a lot of the miles in the smaller ring up front and still held 17-18+mph. Keep most of the muscle work out of pedaling and use rpms. The Major realized I was strong enough on the bike so have a group isnt about staying in front BUT not letting someone fall to far back. When they did I would slow to let them draft off me to lessen their effort and move us both back up to the pack. If they can't then just stay with them so a single rider isn't left. Only had to do it 3-4 times...it was tough!! The experience was a lesson in pride and leadership. You can't want to prove how fast you are and be helpful to your group. As a leader you have to be accountable for everyone's success. As soon as that rider gets in your draft you feel the pull on your momentum. With that...again...whomever prompted you to carry this notion that I am some troll of a negative person so you can crap on me and use as a point to control you and push me aside, well wrong again!! Whomever it was I've forgiven them but of course the lack of it being true makes that part easy but the nerve of them siding with those racist!! Lol!!

How's your weekend starting? Went out of town with friends? New friends? Hosted something? Beach or mountains? Uptown or a farm/orchard?Haha...liked I would ever know right!! Oh the other night I was just über emotional that day with the Special Athletes is just tough for me....you don't want talk to me for whatever reason so guess I lashed out at that fact. Can't make any sense of any of it so it spews out sometimes.

Pulled this guy up and had to sprint back up front...slight incline...obvious burned!!

Bobby Bath Time?

There was a comment from a Bobby Bath Time posted to the TJs blog. States he bought his momma some pears too. The profile was created May 2015. Because of some of the events that took place with Amy and friends and guys I made that statement about this all being a joke and finding its way to becoming a point of humor for everyone but me. I recall one time she sent me a pic of this guys penis that she was screwing...claimed something about Angie giving out Amy's number instead of her own. To think I have to forgive them because Jesus calls on it!! And you want to come at me about Alexis having a hard time forgiving me. HA!! I have no clue when or if you get these even with it being set to private I'm just putting it out there...letting it go from me and my thoughts. Just sticking to communicating to you as open as one person can to someone who doesn't communicate back. Sounds like a movie plot!! Lol!!

The Steed...

To the point that I did but the frame for you and not just saying that to butter you up....

Same brand as your fitness bike!! A matching set for you. All carbon very light very fast head turner...you rode the setup on the white half carbon half aluminum and like it so you can only imagine this. Anyway just showing you...I'm sure you will be buying one soon anyway...I tried.

Later E...

Lunch at McDonalds....PASS!! Lost Garmin A.N.T...

Day 2

Good Morning!! These Vets are strong!! Legs feel good and rolling out soon!! Great group to ride with this one older guy pushing me good!! Set this to private got an odd comment from someone so don't know if this is a joke to you and your friends or it was getting that much traffic. Slept ok..a lot of snoring! Lol!! Pork chop dinner...things were like burgers! I pack protein shake and recovery stuff as well. Roads sucked!! Open country though...passed a pig that was 400lbs easy! Coolest thing was a horse that ran the fence line bucking and grunting...way cool!! Hope your enjoying your holiday weekend thus far...kid free no less!! I will post later as well. Getting a lot of thinking done a lot... Later E...

Although it may be kind of therapeutic to do this blog it also adds a bit of anxiety. I have no idea how it's going over. Did you see it and ignore it? Did you see and made me the point of ridicule to others maybe even those that speak negatively of me... Granted no response needed I'm sure some pissed you off and hopefully more made you swoon a little. I miss how you would lean into me and serve your flowing neckline as I kissed it. There's a little game/secret I found out by doing that.

It's midnight. Goodnight.

Wanna Bite...

You used to ask why I wanted to be with you sometimes. Citing I could find any female that can cook and had bass. Well this is a part...part of why I wanted to be with you.

When I was in TJs getting your flowers(and corn snacks) and a bag of pears. A well put together older lady walked passed me and made the comment "Good idea"...hinting to me buying you flowers. I couldn't resist saying back, "Oh no, the pears are for her".... She and everyone that heard laughed openly. The real part...the really real is that the woman I was so in love with would have taken the pears!!

Can't Title This One...

Keeping busy here. Blessed....remembering what you told me to comfort me but not trying to think of you. Odd right... Ummm...at a loss kinda. I've been praying different and being here again is I don't know. Some of the same faces and some new ones. Just special no pun...

Sweat Roll...Drum Roll!!

Nervous about dropping off flowers and blog UNVAILING!! Like I said just want to keep you informed so if we start to hang out again tons of baggage won't be there about me. Plus you check this at your leisure.

Later E...

Gabz Fab...as in Fabric!!

Shopping with Gabz... Crazy how a few years ago capris and shorts were "in style ". I guess the economy is affecting the cost of fabric these days. That's why we work on the inner kid first right!!

Ok...here they are..HA!!

Was that Corny....

Love these from TJs!! But...if you eat too much at once it's like having dry grits in your mouth!! Lol...not good!!

The heat is on!! I just finished building that small frame I bought for you...umm I will shop around for another one for you😁!! Look forward to getting some miles in with you again....

Sometimes I wonder if you're already seeing someone...sometimes I wonder if you've downloaded those apps and are moving in that direction. Maybe I will find one day...am I ready for either answer?

All your boasts of being independent, what about independent thinking? What about listening to your heart? Be strong will, but let it be your principles!!

Remember that thing I emailed you from the VP of UCS that expressed all the gratitude for stepping up collecting, logistics, distribution of all those supplies. A Child's Place, Habitat for Humanity, 2nd Harvest, NCANG, your Aunt Ginnie... You recall me talking about the wasteful aspect. Recipients were sometimes in tears. Yet you let someone put it in your heart to be dismissive of me based on my work history. You're better than that E!! Was texting with Kyle the other day and he alluded to TJ...finally being busted!!! So you can tell whomever to leave that topic alone and .....

Which takes me to friends. I got some great ones! No joke! Having Christian friends is what makes this experience and life overall. I have no idea what's going on in your life so don't take this as criticism but just food for Spiritual thought. Any of them prayed with you? Any just listened? Any targeted me? Any tell you how/what to think? Any point you to Scriptures and books? I was hesitant...suffering in silence...but friends have been nothing but on point. I don't know what's going on with you but I hope you are surrounding yourself with the people God wants in our lives to grow and feed and commune...!! None of that weak stuff either! I will go into detail later but key point: I WAS NOT SEEKING OUT GODS GOALS SO I WAS NOT LIVING AFTER HIS HEART, which is HIS WILL!!

Enjoying the Storms

I grew up down on the coast and lived with these afternoon storms for a long time. Spend the years I did with you and the occasions when got caught in the rain on the beach or when we left the villa for a walk post rain...holding hands and talking. Those are the thoughts that rush back on me during Summer showers. I don't know how you do it...

What's Really Heavy...LOL!!

I think about you when I workout.

Oh the Places...

Sooo...today I went out cycling. Needed to do something this weekend to replace not being able to hit a trail head. A part of me doesn't want to go without you...I've never been without you it a something we did together. Yes you went without me last Fall but that was different...ugly but different. Crazy!!..I flashed that ring to you...what a mess!!

I rolled out of Rock Hill just looking for some good miles ahead of the 150mi ride, was able to get 40mi completed. Well the pic and video says it all...found myself passing Windy Hill!! I WISH YOU WERE WITH ME!! Lol!!...there was another biracial couple there, but they drove! I MISS YOU!! I want to spend time with you doing the thing we like...or liked?...don't really know what you're into anymore😁. Having your bracelet was the closest I could get you to being there...and it was not the same!! By any count!! I miss your smile and your touch!! I cringe at thinking who you smile at now and who gets to be touch by you. I look forward to us being able to communicate again. I value the refinery of tests and trials I understand how they can strengthen. I also understand how missing your lips can sometimes drive me loopy! How you would often press into me when we kissed...last was in your garage. The look, the touch, the pressing of your kiss. Your heart was calling out that night wish it still is and one day you'll listen...one day soon!

Look forward to making this ride with you soon! I knooow...you don't need or want anything from me but I did buy you something!!

Later E...


Gotta dig that jersey!!

Taking any part of you along for the ride. Did realize I was passing by here...first place I've been to the 'we' used to go to. Miss You and all we do Elise!!

How about that sermon today!! I'm glad you are taking the opportunity to go on the mission trip. I have a email I never sent, thinking that if I did it would upset you. But thinking about how important something's are over others I should have just sent it. I will send a screenshot as proof. It was about the cost of your mission trip being about the same amount as your tax returns. Gods sufficient right? He provides for the birds? I'm sure He would reward you in fold for that one. Of course I would not tell Alexis...keep her working and saving towards it. If you tell her and give her the mission where's the depth? Pastor Jim said its about sacrifice...not me LOL!...but of yourself.!! Think about it....

Did you notice that he spoke about how he never considered getting married. Yet when he came to Christ and got older he had a change of heart. I figured it out to late, but been getting fed some amazing info here lately.

Later E....

This day took a turn, it's about staying fluid right? Volunteered and got back here and the lemonade stand was in needed to be put away...apparently the pool was calling, it opened this weekend. We cleaned that up and pack Gabz up for the rodeo. Well she wasn't in the rodeo but Dawn and the church took a trip to a rodeo in Columbia. Oh the girls made like $30 from their sales...pretty good. Anyway they left a bit later than I thought so I was all packed up for some backpacking. Was going somewhere close by because I know Mike and Lynn were coming in on Sunday so I needed to be close enough to make it back I the morning. Well that's when I found out that they were in town. Which by the way sorry for giving her your number...I have since caught her up. So turned around and headed back to Charlotte!! I was going to have a few pics of the camp site and nature. I don't know if you like that kinda stuff anymore, the backpacking and traversing the trails, but assumed you would enjoy the pics. Well maybe next time. So came back here and called it a night. I was pretty tired anyway so needed the extra few hours. Hope you day went well...

Later E...

Can I sue you for because every time I come to the court house...a public place...I get sick!! Then a have to rush and speed away before 5pm!! Then like a dumb a** I drive Kings Kitchen. Is the resolve in bitterness for you? Hence the acquisitional last phone call? I had my venting post but...I haven't or don't have anyone that dislikes you to fuel anything...

I heard about what is going on with Starbucks cards being hacked...watch out don't let it make you Star'Broke'!!

Broken by Casting Crowns was just on as I'm picking something up. Just reminds me of actually speaking to you just months ago about actually making some progress. Even what I'm gettin is something we talked about. Anyway the story of t all is soon to come...one day I hope. Just letting you I'm thinking of you!!

Something Else in Common...and Missed.

We have so much in common!! I know we can find other people that have the same interest but we have INVESTED so much into the 'us' we both loved to be around. I miss you so much sometimes!!

Today's extra...was brought on by the food truck lunch I'm having. The one dish...arncini...I never had before. I miss our dining together. Trying new food together. Being together as you cooked or even better when I helped make the meals with you. No matter the kitchen...in a house or by a campfire! Getting a quick booty grab or you kissing me...

Sometimes I a Just Get Mad...I Need to Vent!

This one might piss you off, but if it bothers you than some truth must be in it. Someone can accuse me of having a gambling problem, but I don't gamble so it wonder get to at all....

Do you ever get the feeling that you are being controlled by Alexis? I know she mimics her father in many ways, is one of them having a grip on your life? I mean she checks your phone and FaceTimes you to see where you are when she's not there. Remember when Thomas took your phone and went through it amongst others.I know I did my wrong by you both and I still need to ask her forgiveness. Given the conversation about it only being the two of you and she even dispatched Ben in that conversation. I have seen you run a 13.1 on a broken foot, survive being hit by a car on a bike(maybe that is it because her name is Alexis...a Lexus), be a rock for me when I needed...when I needed. Now to see you afraid...no other word for it. Ducking away in front of your house after the run. Not answering FaceTime and when you did you wen to another room, as if it were your boyfriend. Better yet I've seen it before when you were afraid and running from Thomas her father. As disgusted as you are at reading this and you should be! I know she is you kid, but that's just it she is a kid. Her telling you the she would disrespect you if you were around me. How does she intend on living without you supporting her life. Doesn't it look just like when she walked out on you and made it just up the street? Well don't let our sins and this situation give her this power over you!! You are such a strong and strong willed person that this is basically unbelievable behavior from the lady that is proclaiming such independence.  Was there a combo threat that she would move in with her father. You get my being upset is at that being a part if not the biggest part of this issue. We have out items to work on or would have them to work on. You agreed to counseling you where clearly feeling optimistic about a path that you were apart of putting together. A race , a pic, a post, maybe a call later...you don't want anything at all to do with me in less than 7 hours after kissing and hugging me!! You have no idea how upsetting this is!! Then add what I can freely assume, because you won't tell me..that you think these are signs from God!! GOD NEVER USES HATE!! This white noise static is just interference to at a minimum conversations!! And all the BS about being fine but you won't even text me?!?! Fine at leaving me frustrated and a fine job at a lack of communication!! My words of you are winning now over the dog that her dad bought is somewhat true...pleasing her is and winning her favor is the name of the game. You used to swear up and down about football and football fans and all they do, but you went to a game in a heart beat because her dad couldn't produce the same. Again when you hauled off to the basketball game. I am not knocking spending time with your kid at all, but you do some pretty cool things that are after your own interest. The difference is when you would try to include her in those, she would just laugh in your face. Mary and Raquel warned you against being her friend, and you do a great job as a mom, but you do slip into a mode sometimes be honest. Oh..but my kid would cook with you, went on jogs or biked with you, went to yoga studios with you, decorated with you, etc... I agree you don't owe me anything whoever said you did and it doesn't seem like something you would ever say. To owe is to be in debt to...I was freely giving everything I did!! When it was in abundance during better days or when it was all I could do and I still did!!



I have calmed down a bit in the past day, and those feelings come and go. I revert to the fact that I have no idea what's going on so that gives me the room to assume. I could be dead wrong, but you cant be mad at me because you are giving me nothing to know or go off of. Yes ultimately I want you to be making the decisions that are for your soul and I just hope I can be apart of the equation on the other side of those. How many friends and family have really put the God aspect out there for you to filter your decisions through? I am not talking about a weak "Well...just pray about it...". I am talking about people that expect and help you be held accountable to what God wants? I don't know...anyone challenge your logic or is everyone just on your side? Did you and them talk about the sin, the price of sin, God not using hate, your heart being at the mind of God, and a host of other components. I mean are you surrounding yourself with people who possess traits that are inline with what you see for yourself? Are they doing things you aspire to do, are they chasing after God as well? Or are they friends to be people in your life to fill a void? Did you replace me with people to just replace me? What happen to time alone and growing closer to God...that part you had right and we all need, but are your friends helping or hindering that?  I guess I think what I have heard and was told in support of and in reality of what I am going through and it just makes me want the same for you. Yeah this sounds preachy again, but a part of me just feels wronged and deny from something that made sense to both of us just a few weeks ago. Its like if you had the same info and treatment I did, how could you draw the same conclusion or act this way.

This Should be Interesting....

So my intent is to make this private for just sharing my time with you away from you. Like I said if we are to start anew I have expirienced what baggage from an 'old' past can do, but baggage from a 'new' is a lot harder to deal with. Our potential relaltionship will have enough tugging on it that I am going to do my part to not bring any more probable emotional anchors on our voyage. I want you to be informed of my life in hopes you will find it pleasing and acceptable of your attention.

Well...I am giving it a week or so before I tell you of the BlogSpot, because upon making it private I have to add you as a Reader via email. During this time it has to be public, which I don't care that much except I am going to make some rather personal post. Remember when we were on a path that looked a whole lot more promising than this point and I said I would get a FaceBook page to share our life as opposed to the old prideful me that thought no one should have access to my life. Despite living in sin God was still blessing me with so much that I should have been putting his Grace and Blessing on display for the World to see!! So the point is during this public time I has notice some traffic already...odd right. Hey...I see you looking...other people from North America. Lol!! Haven't gone global yet...!! Lol!! This should be interesting...that comment is for you...not you all!!

Later E...

Happy Mothers Day

Again Happy Mothers Day!!

Crazy a  difference a year can make!! Prayerfully there will be yet another difference from this year to 2016...at this point who can guess what that is but I am optimistic about our future. Like I said in the email about Alexis is a believers of wishes coming true. I apologize again...deeply...for causing such a messed up situation to only become more damned in our lives. With all the level of disrespect, angst, lack of concern, and grief she brought to you knowing now that Crist was my answer only burns more. yeah one could attest to my current pain having roots there, but I earnestly want to make good there. Even if we never unite again (ouch!), I know God wants this of Christians.

So...solo backpacking fell through. Tiff was in a car accident last week nothing major, but she has not been at 100% of late so I did not take Gabz over there. I will give it another shoot this weekend even though it looks like rain again. I will be volunteering at Habitat for Humanity and then rolling out to the mountains. I will probably do South Mt. State Park, I know you shaking your head, or drive a bit further past that. It all depends on the time I am releases from the project.


Thank you for your warm thought on today. I remember just this past year when I mentioned seeing my Mother's signature on my birth certificate you expressed remorse. Even moreso...You were with me when I stopped by her grave...with Gabz!! That was major for me Elise!! I barely even spoke to ex-wife about my Mom, and you requested meeting my Dads over lunch at Merts. Yet I ushered you to the resting place of my Mommy, sorry but it was those things that really tied me to your heart and I should have communicated that more and done more. Remember that I didn't even want to stop there with Tiff and Ron because I've told you some of the things they have said with regards to our parents.

How Many Feet are in All Those Miles?

Driving back from rained out Coastal Carolina baseball game. It was good to see Josh, of course the first thing he said after he hugged me was "Ha! I'm bigger than you know". I chuckled and said whenever he wants to hit the gym or the track just let me know!! I'm glad that he using me as his benchmark well proud is the better word. Proud of him all around.

Driving I77 North...how many times have we been on this road this time of day?!?! All I've been thinking about is how we used to talk and talk. Or you reading an article to me while your feet were on the dash! Damn I miss your sexy feet!! Laying across your ankles and kissing the tops of them or sucking on your toes. Watching you walk barefoot on the beach or while in the shower. Well...you were always barefoot in the shower...LOL! I remember the first night slipping them out of those animal print heels to the last night together on your couch. So much of my life reminds me of YOU. I hope to have a new chance at love with you...all new.

Miss you E...