This one might piss you off, but if it bothers you than some truth must be in it. Someone can accuse me of having a gambling problem, but I don't gamble so it wonder get to at all....
Do you ever get the feeling that you are being controlled by Alexis? I know she mimics her father in many ways, is one of them having a grip on your life? I mean she checks your phone and FaceTimes you to see where you are when she's not there. Remember when Thomas took your phone and went through it amongst others.I know I did my wrong by you both and I still need to ask her forgiveness. Given the conversation about it only being the two of you and she even dispatched Ben in that conversation. I have seen you run a 13.1 on a broken foot, survive being hit by a car on a bike(maybe that is it because her name is Alexis...a Lexus), be a rock for me when I needed...when I needed. Now to see you afraid...no other word for it. Ducking away in front of your house after the run. Not answering FaceTime and when you did you wen to another room, as if it were your boyfriend. Better yet I've seen it before when you were afraid and running from Thomas her father. As disgusted as you are at reading this and you should be! I know she is you kid, but that's just it she is a kid. Her telling you the she would disrespect you if you were around me. How does she intend on living without you supporting her life. Doesn't it look just like when she walked out on you and made it just up the street? Well don't let our sins and this situation give her this power over you!! You are such a strong and strong willed person that this is basically unbelievable behavior from the lady that is proclaiming such independence. Was there a combo threat that she would move in with her father. You get my being upset is at that being a part if not the biggest part of this issue. We have out items to work on or would have them to work on. You agreed to counseling you where clearly feeling optimistic about a path that you were apart of putting together. A race , a pic, a post, maybe a call later...you don't want anything at all to do with me in less than 7 hours after kissing and hugging me!! You have no idea how upsetting this is!! Then add what I can freely assume, because you won't tell me..that you think these are signs from God!! GOD NEVER USES HATE!! This white noise static is just interference to at a minimum conversations!! And all the BS about being fine but you won't even text me?!?! Fine at leaving me frustrated and a fine job at a lack of communication!! My words of you are winning now over the dog that her dad bought is somewhat true...pleasing her is and winning her favor is the name of the game. You used to swear up and down about football and football fans and all they do, but you went to a game in a heart beat because her dad couldn't produce the same. Again when you hauled off to the basketball game. I am not knocking spending time with your kid at all, but you do some pretty cool things that are after your own interest. The difference is when you would try to include her in those, she would just laugh in your face. Mary and Raquel warned you against being her friend, and you do a great job as a mom, but you do slip into a mode sometimes be honest. Oh..but my kid would cook with you, went on jogs or biked with you, went to yoga studios with you, decorated with you, etc... I agree you don't owe me anything whoever said you did and it doesn't seem like something you would ever say. To owe is to be in debt to...I was freely giving everything I did!! When it was in abundance during better days or when it was all I could do and I still did!!
I have calmed down a bit in the past day, and those feelings come and go. I revert to the fact that I have no idea what's going on so that gives me the room to assume. I could be dead wrong, but you cant be mad at me because you are giving me nothing to know or go off of. Yes ultimately I want you to be making the decisions that are for your soul and I just hope I can be apart of the equation on the other side of those. How many friends and family have really put the God aspect out there for you to filter your decisions through? I am not talking about a weak "Well...just pray about it...". I am talking about people that expect and help you be held accountable to what God wants? I don't know...anyone challenge your logic or is everyone just on your side? Did you and them talk about the sin, the price of sin, God not using hate, your heart being at the mind of God, and a host of other components. I mean are you surrounding yourself with people who possess traits that are inline with what you see for yourself? Are they doing things you aspire to do, are they chasing after God as well? Or are they friends to be people in your life to fill a void? Did you replace me with people to just replace me? What happen to time alone and growing closer to God...that part you had right and we all need, but are your friends helping or hindering that? I guess I think what I have heard and was told in support of and in reality of what I am going through and it just makes me want the same for you. Yeah this sounds preachy again, but a part of me just feels wronged and deny from something that made sense to both of us just a few weeks ago. Its like if you had the same info and treatment I did, how could you draw the same conclusion or act this way.
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